On the morning of September 15th I decided that my addiction to facebook was getting out of control. It was to the point that on my iPhone- as soon as I opened up my home-screen my thumb went immediately/without even thinking/ to my facebook app. It was hours of mindless browsing I spent on this app-- usually leaving me thinking things of insecurity, vanity, discontentment, jealousy, and coveting things of others. Facebook is everyones "highlight real" of their lives. We put on there what we want others to see of ourselves. It's edited and polished-- but life is not that way. So I have become addicted to this edited way of life that has caused my everyday reality to become very discontented. So, I decided to give it up for a month. I am 4 days in and this is what i have realized thus far... the "withdrawal process" if you will...
*I have become SO accustomed to the social networking machine that I THINK in facebook. When I take a picture- I immediately think of a caption that I would use to post it to my profile. It's not even as exciting to take pictures right now because I feel like I can't "Show them off". Mostly everything I do in my day to day life I want to share on facebook.
*When I THINK-- I think in "status updates". I have automatically edited the thoughts in my mind to fit. Just the other day I walked outside and the weather had made a suddeny shift from hot summer nights to cooler fall weather and immediately I wanted to post "welcome fall... how I've missed you..." to my facebook page. But I couldn't. and suddenly i found myself feeling like I couldn't express myself. Crazy- yes!? So crazy.
*I've also realized that without facebook I have no idea what people are doing with their time. I am not only aware of what I'm doing and those I see around me. The "not knowing" is almost enough to drive me crazy every once in a while-- but I've had to teach myself to think differently. It's funny how I automatically assume that if I don't know what people are doing-- they must be doing something ten times cooler than I am doing. Feelings of insecurity begin to creep in and the crazy cycle ensues. Normally i could get back on facebook and either confirm or deny these facts-- I was in fact either doing something cooler than most of my facebook friends... or I wasn't. Now, I just have to accept that what Im doing is what Im doing and what others are doing is... what others are doing. There is no comparison game to take place without facebook.
*I realize that most of the things I do in my day to day life I get excited about because I like to post it to facebook so those around me know what I'm doing. Deep down I get a thrill off of showing others that I'm doing something unique or productive with my time. It's been interesting because now when I do certain things- they aren't as fun/cool because I dont get to show them off. Which begs the question-- do I really even enjoy doing the things I used to or did I just want to show others what I was doing? It's made me have to really check my motives for why I want to do things.
*My dog I grew up with of 11 years passed away 2 days ago and I realized through that process that facebook even serves as a grieving process for me. I wanted to post a picture of him to there with some kind of note to let others know my dog was no longer. Suddenly I found myself in a state where I couldn't share that with my facebook... and in effect would not be able to connect with anyone who may be able to relate to what I was going through and offer any words of encouragement.
*The lightbulb just went off as I was writing about my dog that facebook has become the very first place I turn to in every life situation. When something exciting happens, or something awful happens-- i turn to facebook to share my thoughts. WHY??! I have chosen that outlet instead of going to God immediately with everything that happens in my life. The replacement is ridiculous.
Those are just a few things I've realized in the past 4 days... and I have to be honest... I haven't been completely clean from facebook. There have been 2 distinct moments where the boredom/curiosity has gotten the best of me and I've checked back in to see what was going on. The first time just very quickly-- the second time a bit longer. Each time I have left disappointed that I peaked. Time wasted is not worth it especially when it leaves me feeling negative. I have had to figure out other things to do with my time now that I no longer have facebook to fill in the dead time. This morning- I read a chapter out of Abba's Child by Brennan Manning that totally was what I needed. It filled me up with HIS goodness, and didn't leave me feeling any of the emotions that facebook leaves me with. I'll take that every single day. The rest of these 30 days is going to be a trial but my hope is that I will have replaced that time with other things of productivity-- specifically with more time with God, prayer, and devotionals. We will see where I am at in 30 days.
What's even crazier-- is that even writing this post I wanted to be able to share it with others on facebook... but this time... it is written just for me. Just for my own outlet. My own record of reflection.
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