The beloved John

I read this morning in the book Abba's Child by Brennan Manning about John- known as the beloved disciple. The one that Jesus loved. In John 13 we read about The Last Supper-- in this scene John is "leaning back against Jesus"... other translations say "he leaned back on Jesus' breast". Manning goes on to explain how huge this is-- that we should not just glance over this key moment. John is leaning back against the Savior of the World-- God in the state of man. He was clearly not intimidated by Jesus... and knew what it meant to be loved completely by him. Jesus allowed John-- but not only allowed- I think it brought him intense joy-- to have John lay on his chest. He had the opportunity to essentially hear the heartbeat of God. He KNEW JESUS on such a deep, intimate level. It makes me think of my personal journey and brings me back to the moment where I could feel God's hand holding me through some of the darkest moments of my life-- I was an ugly, gross person but God scooped me up in the middle of that ugliness. In the midst of that, having nowhere to turn, and finally deciding to start taking the steps in the direction to explore who God said he was... I felt such unconditional love and I remember suddenly thinking that I really "got it" at that moment. Even today in my moments of doubt, questioning, wondering... I think back to that time in my life where He was SO real to me and that is what I still cling to-- I KNEW Him in that moment. I felt him. His character was nothing but LOVE. It made me want to race into His arms-- where as up to that point my sin made me feel ashamed and want to hide from Him.

Manning also continues on and talks about how those who lived with Jesus responded to him when he reappeared after the resurrection. John uses words such like "clung" to him when referencing how Mary of Magdala responded after she recognized that it is Him standing before her. Peter and John RAN to him when they heard the tomb was empty. Peter JUMPED into the water and swam about 100 yards offshore when he heard Jesus was on shore. "These biblical characters, however clean or tawdry their personal histories may have been, are not paralyzed by the past of their present response to Jesus. Tossing aide self-consciousness they RAN, CLUNG, JUMPED, and RACED to Him. Peter denied Him and deserted Him, but he was not afraid of Him." --Manning, p.128. This just shows how Jesus was viewed by those who lived with him. His character is not that of a condemner, but of a savior with "boundless compassion and infinite patience, a Lover who keeps no score of our wrongs." THIS is the Jesus I fell madly in love with. When I realized this was the heart of Jesus... verses like 1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us" began to come to life. I am convinced that WHEN people realize the CRAZY amount of Love that is at the center of God's heart-- When they even get a small taste of how much Jesus loves mankind--they will react the same way I found myself 3 years ago-- which was to do nothing but RUN into his arms. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever"... Peter, John, & Mary of Magdala knew what it meant to be loved in-spite of their sin which caused them to drop everything and run to him... 2,000 sum years later I experienced the exact same feeling as a broken, hurting young girl I began to feel the flood of His unconditional love. GOD. IS. LOVE.

My heart breaks that the world (and I) have a tendency to twist the picture of God and that we far too often error on the side of "accountability" and trying to keep everyone in check that we turn the Gospel into a rigid list of "To Donts" instead of what it really is-- an incredible, incomparable, rescue and love story of a Savior who offers His heart to us-- An unconditional love that NOBODY can claim they don't need and deep down desire at the center of their being. God- help me to never lose sight of this picture of your children racing into your arms and what that reveals about your character. May You transform my mind and my heart into becoming more like Christ so that this is what I become.

One of my absolute favorite hymns is Amazing Grace... because it paints this picture of "The Rescue"... the "Unconditional Love" that is at the center of God's character. The line that cuts to the center of my being every time I hear it is... "How precious did that Grace appear... thee hour I first believed.." Amen.